JOB HUNTING - and other epic acts of acrobatic faith.

Hello ladies and germs,
Once again, no piccies to light up my ramblings.  Working on that and will resolve that situation asap.  In the meantime, let's talk about job hunting.  Ahhhhhh yes....what an exercise in optimism, hope, disappointment and frustration.  I am currently up to my pierced ears in it...and pressing on reward less!  It's such a strange and wondrous endeavor really, especially now that it's predominantly done anonymously and on line.  You spend hours scouring the on line ads, trying to decipher the encoded messages between the lines of the postings.  Cause there there ya know......one must squint ever so hard at what you're reading.  Some of them paint a picture of such fun, reward, success and satchels of money being flung in your general direction!  Run! Those are the ones to blatantly ignore. You could end up duct taped crossing state lines in the back of a pick up!  I always find if the Ad sounds like a sales pitch...then you probably don't want the job - sure as shinola they're hiding the truth of what they're really offering.  Then you have the endless ads placed by recruiters - an entirely different playing field that.  Several clicks and you find yourself on a different site altogether.  One that sings extraordinarily high praise - to themselves.  But free representation and somebody ELSE out there doing some legwork for  you?  Why the heck not I say??  Do it all!  Enlist every resource you can! Perhaps they're good, perhaps not.  Hard to say really.....everyone is out there though and at the end of the day, there's nothing going on but the rent!  Gotta make a buck!  Try avoid being knuckle dragging miserable.  Play to your strengths.....remain determined and get that job you want!  Or panic entirely, look at the steadily increasing pile of bills and say....I'll just take something for the money...THEN I'll find something I really want.  Flash forward 10 years and you know how this tale of woe ends.
So many twists and turns, choices to make, and heaven for fend...COVER LETTERS TO WRITE!  It reminds me of shopping for a life at times.  Who do I want to be?  What should that look like?  Does what I want even exist?  And can I get paid to do it!  Legally? 
I sit in front of my laptop and I manically scroll through all the listings, one or two catching my eye.  Okay, this looks good, sounds like it makes sense, sounds like I'm qualified, sounds like it's the perfect job for me!  Wait, I think I fancy a cup of tea....I'll come back in a minnie.....
Yayyyyy!  I shall bang out a cover letter that will instantly make the reader fall madly in love with my potential and completely obsessed with getting me in front of them.  So I do.  Or at least I 'think' I do.  Then you wait.  Great efforts are made NOT to obsess and get your hopes up.  The silence continues.  Now you're checking your emails every hour.  Then it's every 10 minutes.  Nothing.  Nada.  Every time you open it up you hear the deafening siren song of a million crickets.  How can that BE?????  But I'm perfect for it!!!  Why don't they see that????  Hmmm.....maybe I'm not then.....maybe it's all in my mind.  Maybe I need to sell out and just take something.....who am I kidding anyhow and who do I think I am......STOP STOP AND STOP.  See I'm writing this just as much for me as I am to hopefully to entertain you.  Perhaps some of you can relate to this right now, but for sure we've all been here.  It's such a slippery slope to get discouraged and feel sorry for yourself.  It can be rather gutting at times truth be told.  When you receive that form letter saying you're great but we're just not that into you.....all of sudden that 'glorious fabulous job' becomes 'well it was a crap position anyhow and I totally dodged THAT bullet!' You wouldn't be human not to be affected emotionally.  HOWEVER......as my good friend Donald Trump says....ok, so he's not my good friend, but I'd like him to be......it's not personal, it's business.  One needs to take the emotional squishiness out of the equation.  It's rather an 'if it's meant to be, it will be' situation.  I mean how much control do you have?  You make sure your resume is banging.  You make sure your cover letter conveys a true sense of who you are, your skills and experience portrayed effectively,  all the while keeping it short and compelling.  You follow up.  You carry on.  And on and on.  
Off goes another resume and cover letter into the great black maw of the employers.  Sometimes I'll sit and fantasize about the person reading my application.  I wonder where they are.  What they're wearing.  Are they wearing socks?  Are their roots showing?  Are they happy?  Are they drunk?  Did they get to go #2 that morning (cause that'll change your entire day in a heartbeat!) Are their eyes rolling in stupefying boredom opening yet ANOTHER application? Are they gazing at their pencil wondering how much it would hurt to stick it in their shin? Or....have they opened mine and are now smiling.  
I tell myself to stay focused during this process.  It's a tricky one to be sure.  You can end up feeling like something the cat threw up after a time.  It can take you out at the knees and gnaw at your confidence like a pack of rabid chipmunks!  Noooooo don't let it.  It's simply a necessary evil required to get you where you want to be.  Just keep going.  Press on.  It comes together ultimately you just have to have faith.  Faith in yourself.  If they don't come stampeding to your door, shoving each other out of the way to get you first....meh....so be it.  But somebody will.  There will be a person out there who's light comes on when they see your name.  When they read what you've written.  They'll hear your voice and it will resonate. 
Yesterday I wasn't feeling the 'power' so much.  Was feeling pretty glum truth be told.  I'd applied for a job that I believed I REALLY REALLY  wanted.  It's been six weeks, pretty much safe to say it ain't gonna happen.  Ho hum.....what's to become of me?  Why am I bothering to chase dreams and throw myself out there?  I soon realized that this whole way of thinking was going to end me up face down in a bag of Cheetos.  Back away from the laptop and get the Hell out of the kitchen! 
Called my girlfriends.  It was a sunny day (although I prefer winter but saying that makes me rather unpopular) and said let's do something!  And we did.  Went out and lolled about under the scorching sun until we couldn't take it anymore. Moments away from instantaneous combustion, we picked up an avalanche of sushi and brought it home to the safe and goose bumpy environs of my overly air conditioned apartment.  Then followed an absolutely hair raising, eye popping and cheek flaming discussion on dating and the adventures found therein!  A great day.  Sanity and esteem restored. 
Today I'm back and ready to resume the 'HUNT'.  I am confident, I am calm, I am steadfast.  And bloody Hell......I WILL get that job!!  When in doubt, there's always good ol'Winnie:
You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: It is victory, victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road may be.
Thank you Mr. Churchill.  And to you all my friends, fight the good fight and never EVER give in to doubt.  It's just plain silly and we don't have that kind of time.
to be continued........

KICKED IN THE BOLLOCKS BY LOVE........

Well, well, well....what can I say.  Yep.  It's true.  The hopes and dreams (along with the compromises and denial) have come to a rather abrupt end.  Yes folks, my 'lovely' relationship has ended.  3 months after moving in together. I KNOW!! And after TEN years of living on my own!  It's a 'whiskey tango foxtrot' moment big time!  Without the gory details...although we all enjoy gory details, I can tell you this.  Have you ever tried driving with the brakes on?  Not very effective is it?  Well when one person is in a relationship and his/her emotional brakes are on....it ain't gonna work!
Another thing.  What's the big deal with crying?  I know I don't like it, and try and squash it, avoid it, and am hugely ashamed when I do do it.  Now why is that really?  It's just an expression of emotion, correct?  We laugh.  We cry.  So there's crying, do it.  I'm for it. 
I've written about courage and having the strength to take a leap of faith before.  I did that and the bollock kicking ensued.  Well that kind of sucks to be sure.  I did really want it to work....did I REEEEEEEALLY believe it would?  Ahhhhhhh therein lies the rub now doesn't it?  I will state for the record here.....I'm afraid I sold out.  I put a muzzle on the voice in my head that was yelling at me DON'T!  Shaddup in there, I'm trying to do something dumb.  Crikey, can't hear myself think for all that yelling to STOP and TURN AROUND and IT'S WRONG WRONG WRONG!  Reminds me of Planes, Trains and Automobiles.......'YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!!'......how do THEY know where we're going?  Digression.  In spite of the writing on the wall and hoarse shouting voice in my head I pressed on.  There were some rather important elements that were 'off' but I figured, hey, it's not THAT bad.......woe is me for betraying myself in that matter.  It's not THAT bad????  Really?  I actually allowed that to be sufficient.  And to no good end result either.  Of course not because it's not that bad ALWAYS turns into it's THAT bad. 
For the record let me state that my now EX boyfriend is a stand up guy.  Truth be told, this is the best break up I've ever had!  He's being a champion and looking after me, getting me re-established in my home, removing the financial worry and generally doing all in his power to help me deal.  Rather rare I know(but I did choose him after all).  The heart wants what the heart wants.  His wants somebody else.  It doesn't really matter that that someone else is a complete prat.....the point is....it's NOT me and never has been.  Guess I'm just not 'prat enuff'......hahahahahaaa....okay, okay....I promised myself to keep this diplomatic and truthful.  An effective, petty free zone and all that. 
Bottom line I can't drive with the brakes on.  Nor do I want to.  I'll leave that to the boneheads driving around mall parking lots.  So it's time to take stock and regroup.  Whatever happens with him and his choices.....well good bloody luck to you mate.  Back to me.  There are things beyond my control - fair enough.  However there are a GREAT many things WITHIN my control.  That's our focus.  There is no wasting of time and energy thrashing about regretting and wallowing on 'what could have been'......disclaimer:  Unless I've had a couple of cocktails, in which case all bets are off!  But it's all healthy gotta go through it stuff anyhow.
No, now it's time to be the kindest and most loving person I can be...to me.  I got my heart broken.  It hurts.  How to help heal?  Take care of YOU.  I'm finding the strength and nuts to move forward.  Every day is better.  Some nights are crap.  It's been 2 weeks and already the evolution is stunning.  I have refocused inward and am being the best friend I can be to yours truly.  And it's working.
I am stunningly blessed by the family and friends I have.  I am grateful every day for them.  I continue to look forward.  With an open mind and open heart.  Will I date again?  HELL yes.  Will I love again?  F*CK yes!  (sorry, language.....but I did use an asterisk).  And will I one day marry again........you bet yer sweet bippy.  Why the rass not? 
So my darlings......I know it's been forever since I've put pen to paper in an effort to entertain and inform.....but here I be.  For all and sundry to look upon and see my truth. 
This blog will suck the high hind one unfortunately because I cannot find my fantastic stock of free images to upload......always better with piccies!  But hopefully my words will give you something to enjoy.
Stay strong and keep it real.  Everyone. 
And when you least expect it..........something wonderful happens.
Thank you Mr. K for reminding me what dumb is and how I should feel.  And for making me laugh my balls off!  And for the renewal of entertaining fairy tales....
xoxo

Invent your own Mr. & Mrs. Flintstone!

And when I say 'loosen the bone Wilma' I mean it.  So here it is, I have taken the plunge and moved in with my lovely and talented boyfriend.  What's the biggie you ask?  People be doing this alllllll the time!  Ahhhhh but are they doing it using their noggins is MY question, or are they following the 'expected rules' dictated by the media, society, Andy Capp and Archie Bunker? 

My longtime and cherised friend who I affectionately call Gaye inspired this here little blog on said topic.  I was outlining to her the strategies and logistics I've applied to my recent state of cohabitation to which she responded, 'it's so inspiring and so "well-done". I think people are mistaken in the notion that when it's "meant to be" it just :all falls together:. It takes proper planning and thoughtful consideration to each others' unique needs - and sensitive awareness of logical adaptations required when a couple faces such environmental changes. You guys have managed to not forget to remain "smart" while still being in love - and you've come out on top.'

Mr. Right and I are in our mid 40's. This implies some set in our ways type of mentality. Personally, I've lived alone for the last 12 years and it's been 6 years for His Nibs. We both enjoy our own space and spending quality time alone. We like to watch whatever nonsense catches our fancy on the tube and of course the ever popular free wheeling flatulence in the privacy of your own home game!

You know what I'm saying. That unique behavior reserved for when there's nobody else around or at least within earshot! Of course moving in with somebody does a Helluva clipping your wings number! The change and adjustment is brutal and often couples never really get used to it. Time passes, they muddle along trying to 'make the best of it' but it doesn't gel. There's our old friend 'Buried Resentment' and his wingman 'Passive Aggressive Acting Out' to contend with. We've all encountered these villains that's a certainty. So I decided  'screw that' - this is the last relationship I'm having.  I'm going to be HAPPY with this man and I plan on doing everything I can to make that happen.

Let me start with the whole 'sleeping together' gig. Really? Are we still insisting that this is the 'preferred' way to go? I'm against it on all levels and I'll tell you why.  Now before anyone gets their pantaloonies in a knot I have a disclaimer.  If you happen to be a member of the RARE and I do mean RARE couple who are BOTH HONESTLY happily sleeping together and getting their quality sleep then you can skip this part.  It amazes me how many people, both men and women, will not cop to the fact they wish they could have the bed to themselves.  There seems to be some kind of shame associated with this.  Some kind of aspersion cast upon your relationship.  If you'd actually rather get a good night's sleep in your own bed and just meet in one for shenanigans and high jinx then apparently your relationship has failed!  Says WHOM exactly??? I cannot fathom where this logic came from to be honest.  For

centuries couples slept separately. In this day and age the couples I know that are the happiest (again with the exception of those three couples on the planet actually sleeping well together) and having the best sex are the ones that sleep apart! Now if you're sleeping apart then it would be safe to say you're lucky enough to have the space to be able to do so.  It would also be safe to say that everyone has space for their 'stuff'!  See now two major battle fields have been removed.  One is the always whinging about his/her stuff being all over the place, hogging the closet, crowding the drawers, and the shoes!  Shoes from here to Alburque!  If you can my Lovelies, keep your stuff separate.  You need your own closets, your own drawers, your own MIRROR.  Another source of contention is the 'sleepus interruptus' issue.  Usually it's a snoring thing, but there are SOOOOOO many ways somebody can make sure you ain't gettin' any serious shut eye!  Teeth grinding.  A human furnace next to you.  Feet from Antarctica that surface only in the middle of the night and often end up in the vicinity of somebody's scrotum.  The Jimmy Leg.  The twitchers, the talkers, the flippers, the bed hogs.  I personally prefer starfish position right smack dab in the middle of the bed myself!  How are two people expected to achieve REM under these conditions??? 

You're plotting his demise while you're awake and he's blissfully snoring a horn section next to you - you are - admit it!  Then there's the TV and subsequent Battle of the Remote.  Now be realistic.  How can a man and woman always want to watch the same shows?  Sure, sure, yeah, yeah, there's the exceptions.....although there's a hint of sharing a brain involved but I digress.......men and women don't like the same shite.  It's a fact.  There's the movies of course, we can negotiate those, the odd show here and there that can be shared......but wouldn't you like to just watch whatever the Hell you want?  When you want?  And everyone is happy?  Again, I know not everyone can accomodate these logistics and they have to try and find a way to make it work.  What I'm saying is that every couple is unique, you've got two people with different needs and habits.  We can meet in the middle on some, but why do we have to meld into one store front dummy?   

And why do we have to feel guilty that following the 'norm' (which is total bollocks anyhow) doesn't actually create a state of couple bliss?  There just isn't a generic blueprint.  There isn't, and expecting there to be one is setting yourself up for failure Missus.  People might say what about intimacy?  I say if you're unhappy with the conditions you're living in and sleep deprived, intimacy is on the last train to Clarksville anyhow!

My recipe was simple.  Me and the Big Fella used to see each other once on a week night and then every weekend.  We had lives independent of each other.  Friends and family to maintain.  Alone time to enjoy.  We made the decision to move in together but we were both facing a colossal shift in our routines; it was pretty scary truth be told.  Hence my implementation of Operation Stay Together without Killing Each Other. 

We have a townhouse, that means three floors and two bedrooms.  I set up the basement as a lovely parlour/office for me and the living room on the main floor essentially his.  The main living room is where we schedule our 'weekly date night' to hook up and watch some TV or a movie or what have you.  We have dinner together pretty much every night but then there's four nights we go our separate ways. Weekends are always together - that's a given.  Then we have our separate bedrooms.  Here's where I lose a whole bunch of you, I know.  Well we schedule 'date nights' or 'date afternoons' or 'date just cause we both fancy it' time in the master bedroom.  Yes the master bedroom is mine.  Duh. 

 The rest of the time we're sleeping blissfully in our own beds!  He gets up earlier than I do so nobody is getting disturbed.  He can waddle about all by himself doing his morning ablutions in perfect solitude.  I get to do the same once I get up.   

I've seen the squinty looks I get when they don't think I'm watching.  Some people will mutter in hushed pessimistic tones...'that's not a good relationship'.......'Herbert and I couldn's possibly sleep APART....it's just wrong!'...and various and sundry.  Bottom line is it works.  It works for US  - it's lovely and exciting and comfortable and respectful. 

Whether you are living together, married, new or going on long term.  Whether you have a big house, a cubby hole apartment, children underfoot or other people living with you.  You owe it to yourselves to come up with your OWN blueprint that works specifically for you.  Forget what it's 'supposed' to look like.  Scrap that!  Ultimately we want to be happy in our relationships and happy in our homes.  Maybe it means just making sure you've got ONE night a week that's just for you.  Or making sure to 'schedule' some nooky in order to fit it in to crazy schedules.  There's no 'right' or 'wrong' way.  Just do what you need to do and the rest will take care of itself.  

From myself and my Beau.......Happy Cohabitation to one and all!  And if you're currently flying solo then don't waste time wishing you weren't.  LIVE.  Enjoy.  It's not a dress rehearsal.....make it count. 

xoxo