SPA ME SENSELESS!

I have just this moment returned from a Spa Day.  Well HALF a Spa Day let's say, 3 hours worth!  Ladies seriously........you HAVE GOT TO GO DO THIS NOW!!!  Let me catch you up on the options included in mine.  We began with a manicure and pedicure both featuring the speciality Hot Paraffin Treatment.  This may come as a shock to you but this was my FIRST hot wax experience.  Shocking I know...but it sure as shinola won't be my last!  That was the cat's ass!!!  The skin on my hands and feet are ridiculous!  I was escorted back to the lounge, a dimly lit resting area with piped in Zen music, chocolate strawberries, bottled water and Pellegrino at your disposal.  Giant cushy armchairs each one with its own furry blanky!  A few minutes there and off I went to get my blackheads squeezed.  Yep, as much fun as it sounds.  I walked in feeling rather smug truth be told.  I have dry skin, no breakouts, eat well and do all the hoopla skin care to maintain it.  I'm thinking....she ain't gonna find any of that nonsense on me!  Wrong again.  Oweeee!  Oweeee!  Eyes watering, trying not to squeek with the agony of it, she kept saying 'Oh but madame, your skin she is vereeeee goooood'.  Okay so this only lasted about 3 minutes and was the ONLY nasty part of the day.  It's a necessary evil though chix, y'all gotta go for your facial at LEAST twice a year.  Ideally, you should go at every season change, or every 3 months.  Anyhow, the rest of the facial was sublime.  She left me alone with some kind of aromatic (smelled vaguely like horse) mask on and I think I may have dozed off.  That whole deal took about an hour, and what a fabulous bed I was reclined upon, all automatic of course.  Lumps and bumps that adjust to my lumps and bumps at the touch of a button.
Then it was time for my massage..........one hour's worth of course (anything less is just a tease and will give you  rage and maybe hives).  Lately I've been seeing a male massage therapist and have marveled at how STRONG his hands are compared to his female predecessors.  I espied my girl who was by no means reed thin but you never know.  I had nothing to worry about, this dame could crack your head like a nut if she wanted to!!  She got out all my declared knots and achy bits, then a few I didn't even know existed!  It's one of those 'kind of hurts but feels so good' things. 
Now the only reason I went downtown to this snazzy place - and for my local friends it was SPA DIVA in Montreal - was because I had a gift certificate.  All in all my afternoon came to approx $350 CAD.  WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!  Are ya freaking???  I know....it's NOT cheap, but in all honesty I have to say it was worth EVERY damn penny!  (thank Buddha they weren't MY pennies!)
If you can......save up for it....drop hints for gift ideas....get family members to chip in together.......TREAT YOURSELF to this. 
I was even in the most mad, crack pipe rush hour traffic immediately afterward and couldn't of given a hairy  rat's bumhole.  I could still hear the Zen music in my head, and could not stop glancing down at my newly polished nails and glowing skin in the rearview mirror!
Yeah.  That's what I'm talking about.
regards,
Zsa Zsa